The way we commemorate the lives of our friends and loved ones has transformed significantly over the past decade or so, with the last five years during the pandemic hastening these changes. In the United States, the significance of flowers at memorial services has evolved from the era of President James Buchanan, when flowers were used to counter odors, to a modern expression of love and remembrance.
These shifts in recent years are primarily a response to changes in society, evolving attitudes towards death, and the blending of diverse cultures. Traditional ethnic neighborhoods have become more integrated, and there’s been an influx of immigrants from regions where cultural norms differ from those in the past.
Undoubtedly, the most profound changes have taken place during the pandemic, marked by restrictions on gatherings at funeral homes and churches and challenges related to travel for families. As a result, the trend toward delayed memorials or graveside services has gained momentum, sometimes culminating in brief one-hour visitations just before the church service. However, it’s worth noting that many individuals continue to adhere to traditional practices.
The internet has also played a role in shaping the evolving landscape. While many families still prefer to visit their local flower shop for personal assistance, some opt to order flowers online. It’s crucial to ensure that when ordering online, you are dealing with an actual local florist who will handle the arrangement. There are companies with flower shop names that are essentially call centers with computer-generated arrangements. They complete the sale, add extra fees, and then pass the order to a local florist. Many local florists are reluctant to accept orders from these intermediaries due to their fees and complications.
The positive aspect, whether for myself as a florist or for others in the industry, is that people still express their condolences with flowers at funerals. The options and selections are diverse, and it’s not limited to a specific location, such as a church or funeral home. Sending flowers to the home, either immediately or at a later date, is a meaningful gesture. Placing an order now for delivery in a few weeks can bring comfort to the grieving family once the initial chaos has subsided.
It’s advisable not to arrive at the funeral home with an unarranged bouquet. The funeral director may appear to have time for such tasks, but they are continuously managing various aspects to ensure that everything proceeds smoothly.
Flowers are not the only option; plants are a lasting and thoughtful gift. Many families appreciate dish gardens as they last long when well-cared for, and after the service, the plants can be individually potted for family members to cherish.
Sending flowers to the funeral home is still appropriate, particularly home-style arrangements or bouquets that can be taken home or given to mourners as a remembrance. In the South, it’s common for family members to have vases of flowers near them during wakes, and they often hand a flower to visitors as a token of remembrance.
Lastly, a word about “in lieu of.” It doesn’t necessarily mean that flowers won’t be accepted. It suggests that if you choose an alternative gesture, it should be directed toward a charity or cause close to the heart of the deceased.
As we experience changing times, take care and stay well.
